Not My Idea of Fun

Well, I have 10 zaps down, 7 to go. And while this isn't as bad as chemo, it certainly isn't what I would consider fun. My mouth is still dry and because of the lack of saliva, my tongue has swollen to the size of mango. While a swollen tongue may not seem like a big deal, it causes problems. Because of its vast size, it gets caught between my teeth at night and I now have terrible wounds that make eating a literal pain. Not to mention, the swollen tongue leads me to talk like a drunk three year old with a lisp. Also, my throat is extremely inflamed (which the doctor said would happen) and every time I swallow, it feels like I am taking down a huge marble. With the fat, wounded tongue and sore throat, eating is nearly impossible. Even the softest foods make it feel like I am attempting to swallow a baseball.

Last Friday I tried to explain all of this peril to a useless nurse practitioner. For some reason, my radiation doctor was gone, so I had to meet with a lady that tried to tell me my dry mouth could not possibly be from the radiation this early on in the game. She rationalized the dry mouth by saying, "Well, it is pretty dry in this hospital..." Lady! I spend at most 30 minutes a day in here, my mouth isn't a desert just because of the lack of moisture in here! She also pulled out her flu shot soap box and explained to me for 29 minutes why I needed to get one. After I pulled out my D.A.R.E. skills and kept repeating, "No. No. NO," she finally came down off of her soap box. Then she relayed to me how important it was that even though radiation isn't like chemo, it is still taking a toll on my body. She emphasized that I just need to take it easy and if I don't feel like going out and doing things, that maybe I just need to "prop my feet up and watch the birds at the bird feeder." I don't "watch the birds" because I have a job and friends and I sure don't own a bird feeder, Lady!

On Monday, I met with yet another useless individual, the dietician. She commented on my position as a health fitness specialist and yet, she still proceeded to tell me basic things that Joe Schmoe off the street could tell anyone. Item by item, she went down the list of good protein sources. Honestly, I don't know how some of these people are employed. I could do half the jobs in that cancer center without any training.

I met with my real radiation doctor on Wednesday and he didn't have many helpful things to tell me either. He said that he believed me that my mouth was dry, but he wasn't going to take the blame for it. Listen, Pal. You and everyone else around here need to get over yourselves and stop saying that it was "just a coincidence" that my mouth became void of moisture upon the start of radiation. I am telling you, my mouth is dry and you need to do something about it!! After telling me he wasn't sure how long my dry mouth would persist and giving me a prescription for throat numbing medicine, he sent me on my way.

All in all, these radiation people are not as nice as my chemo nurses. They don't believe me and they don't offer anything helpful. So I will keep plugging along, eating tiny bites of soft foods, happy that my cancer is gone.