Every two weeks, it is the same routine when I see the doctor. First the nurse gets my weight and I curse the steroids as I watch the numbers rise. Next Shane and I take bets on my blood pressure. I won this week - 109/58.
When the doctor comes in, he and Shane have a buddy-buddy chat about Dale Carnegie while I sit patiently (I have almost mastered this virtue by now) and wonder if my doctor remembers that I am the patient. Once he decides to get down to real business he always asks the same questions and I always give him the same answers.
- How is work? Fine.
- Any problems last treatment? You mean besides the fact that my kidneys are soon going to go on strike from all those drugs you pump into me?
- How is your appetite? Too big. Those steroids send me into a starved raged.
- How are your bowels? Fine
- Any tingling or numbness? You mean besides what I feel from boredom when you ask me the same questions every two weeks?
- Any swelling in your hands, feet, or ankles? Here, I simply hike up my pant legs and let him answer the questions himself.
- Then he feels my neck for lumps, listens to my heart and lungs, and declares, "You're boring. But boring is good in the medical world." And he always leaves me with these final instructions, "Well, Miss, just keep having fun."
Miss?! Are we in the south? Last I knew, I am from Iowa, you are from India, and we are both in Indiana.
But I take his instructions and head to the chemo room.
This round of treatment (the penultimate, might I remind you) the only thing noteworthy happened to Shane. I was enjoying a short snooze only to wake up to the sound of my doctor's hushed voice. "What level are you on?" I heard as I opened my eyes to Shane jumping out of surprise. Referring to the penguin game Shane was playing on my iPad, the doctor pulled out his iPhone and he and Shane began to discuss what levels they've achieved on various, frivolous iPhone games. Then the doctor showed Shane a new game. "Here, practice," the doctor instructed as he walked away leaving his phone in the hands of Shane as he made his way to another patient. Shane just looked at me and shrugged. After practicing a bit, the game lost its luster and so Shane just sat there wondering what to do with the doctor's phone. He wondered - I already had my list of all kinds of fun things we could do with such power. Shane put the kabosh on my mischief though and as the doctor almost left the room without his phone, Shane caught his attention and returned the doctor's phone.
I swear, by the end of this whole deal, Shane and my doctor will have exchanged numbers and be official BFFs.
Almost done... at least Shane got a friend out of the deal.
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