Chemo Stinks.

Literally. Chemo drugs have their very own scent. Not only do they have their own scent, but they create this taste/smell combo that overwhelms your senses. The smell of the drugs creates this gut wrenching/gag inducing reaction deep inside of me. Even hours before my treatments, I begin to smell the unique scent of chemo. It's as if my brain tells my body what lies ahead and I begin to feel like I have already had chemo even though it is hours away. When this happens I usually attempt to override my brain and remind my body that it hasn't even had any drugs yet, so it should just settle down.

Treatment number six was last Thursday and it was a tough one emotionally. You would think that by number six I would be over it by now, but this is when it is just getting hard. Shane had an business appointment the afternoon of my treatment so he left about half way through the process. After experiencing five other treatments, I was fairly confident that nothing eventful would happen and I could handle being alone. After he left and I sat in my 10'x5' space I tried to keep my thoughts away by staying occupied. But as it was all over and I walked out of the cancer center to drive myself home, I just couldn't stop the thoughts as I wondered why. Why do I have to go through all of this? And more importantly, why do I have to go through it all so far from home, from the ones I love? I'm not sure why it was so difficult for me to walk out of that cancer center alone. I know in my head that I am not alone in this battle, but sometimes my heart has a hard time believing my head.

In other news, I was scheduled to have a progress PET/CT scan this morning. However, because of insurance, I can only have one every 90 days, so we will wait until the end of chemo treatments to do a scan. And the end is oh-so-near, only two treatments left, one more month!!